So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
