it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
worst night to have a conscience
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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