Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
