Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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