Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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