Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
