Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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