Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
