I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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