your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
