Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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