just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
