why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
