Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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