So drunk its hurt
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
