It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
