You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
