I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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