I want to have your abortion
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
