I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
