I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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