ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
