New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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