Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
