Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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