The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
