I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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