You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
