don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Randomize
