So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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