do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
