just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
