My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just gargled with NyQuil
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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