They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
