So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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