:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
