my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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