I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
