Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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