i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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