you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
