I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just high enough for therapy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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