Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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