2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
