I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
