I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
