Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
