Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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