No more Irish car bombs ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I'm really busy with my period
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