For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
